My friend and I took our dogs out the other day. The conversation came round to fun dog shows. I've entered a few with Sasha and never even come close to winning, or her even getting a second glance. My friend was saying the same, joking about some of the classes.

Neither of our dogs are 'classically' attractive. Her dog is a Mastiff x staffie, and Sasha a Heinz. Neither have particuarly waggy tails, pretty eyes, or shiny coats.

So we started to compile a list of 'alternative' dog show categories.

So far we have

1. Dog the judge would least like to take home
2. Most aesthetically challenged dog
3. Dog who gave a member of the public the biggest bruise when knocking them over
4. Dog who assumed the quickest 'I'm bored I want to sleep now' position during a class

Can anyone add to these?

There was a just for fun one at our local carnival and i did specifically look for;
a) Skinniest dog in show
b) Dog voted the most likely to give you fleas award
c) Barkiest mutt in show
d) least obedient hound
e) Best Jack from a different Country (Two year olds only) in show

Dog that can turn it's back the quickest, just as the judges walk past

Katherine

XXX

Dog Most Likely to Bite the Judge (we`d enter that)
Snootiest dog
Child Handler Throwing the Best Tantrum

Dog most likely to eat the sausage it's supposed to be retrieving?

Quickest dog to run out of the ring to find its dad?

At one of my shows most handsome dog was a big slobbery mastiff, and prettiest bitch a white boxer makes a change for 'different' breeds to win thses classes

Dog least likely to allow the other competitors to live

From ShowCh Murphy (the Silent Assassin )

most braindead dog award

dopiest looking dog

quickest toy trasher

clumsiest dog

'paw' command with biggest scratch

heaviest paw award

...........hmmmm still thinking

I once entered a Best Brace (Matched or 'Irish', ie. mismatched) with three dogs, all completely different...and we came fifth!

Minstrel and I nearly parted company at one show - I wanted to be in the Large Lurcher class, he wanted to join the contestants in the Minis agility in the next ring, so I reckon he would like a pursuit agility class!

Dog most likely to clear the ring with one fart. Skip would win.

Dog most likely to be facing the wrong way when the judge comes round. Either of mine would excel in that class.

Dog least likely to win anything ever. Bonnie would win this, she never wins anything. Actually, in that case, she would be runner-up.

Dog most likely to pee/poo in the judging ring

ermmmmm

The dog who can dig the deepest holes
The dog who can do a clear round jumping 6ft plus fences
The dog who can raid bins most silently
neeeeeeeeeed i say more
Dexter would win them alll

ohhhhhhhhh and the Dog who SNORES the loudest

cheryl xx

Best poo roller, mine would have won hands (sorry paws) down today.

Oooh just thought of another one.... dog most likely to sound like a stuck pig if you dare to walk outside of his field of vision.

Ok that may just be Benji, but when we were camping and OH went into the shop he started his "squealing" when I wouldn't let him say hello to a dog chained to a post outside the same shop. A lovely lady walked past, nodded and smiled like one who knows and understands and simply said one sentence "Bet he's at least part patterdale, he sounds like ours" I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, blush or sympathise but we had a lovely little chat about our mental dogs after that

Dog with the neatest bottom - I don't think Max has even GOT a bottom

Golden retriever most unlikely to retrieve - Fred would win that

Dog most likely to flush out Bin Laden.............with a fart...............Monty would win hands clapped round ones face

As you can see I have loungeful of potential champions....

Penny
x

Best beard
Most likely to jump up at the judge's white trousers with muddy paws (Fred practices for this a LOT)
Most likely to bite owner in annoyance at having to spend yet another afternoon walking backwards and forwards (on LEAD!) between the deckchair and the ring (Fred again)

Sascha says can she enter that one too? Is there a mixed doubles class for joint success?

Also:
Most obviously incorrect ears for supposed breed...
Most spectacular leg cocking and hopping whilst peeing and being female...
Most pathetically soppy with people...
Quickest hider from visiting former foster family...

And last but not least:

Greatest percentage of body weight lost whilst still managing to wind up looking like a fat lump!

I think our lot would win in the follwing categories:
most grumbly old dog
best small podgy dog trying to make friends with all the spactators and ignoring the judge (she did this when we entered her in the puppy class)
cross most likely to make people say "good luck"

Dog Most Likely To Thieve Tonight's Tea Off The Worktop

Best Cat Chaser

Dog Most Likely to Mate With Fellow Contestants







We don't enter dog shows