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> How Do You Deal With Grief?
Fox
post 9th Jan 2018, 6:53 pm
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Thanks everyone, still can't believe it was less than a week ago. Just wishing away the days until it doesn't feel like I'm walking around with a stone weight in my chest. Your words have helped.
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Ianr
post 9th Jan 2018, 6:57 pm
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sad.gif It's never easy when the time comes to say goodbye but I hope this may bring you a little comfort at this sad time.

http://www.indigo.org/rainbowbridge_ver2.html



The Legacy

When humans die, they make a will
To leave their homes and all they have to those they love.
I, too, would make a will if I could write.

To some poor wistful, lonely stray
I leave my happy home,
My dish, my cozy bed, my cushioned chair, my toy.
The well loved lap, the gentle stroking hand,
The loving voice,
The place I made in someone’s heart,
The love that at the last could help me to
A peaceful painless end
Held in loving arms.

If I should die, Oh do not say,
“No more a pet I’ll have, to grieve me by it’s loss”
Seek out some lonely, unloved dog
And give my place to him.
This is the legacy I leave behind –
’til all I have to give.

Author Unkown

This post has been edited by Ianr: 9th Jan 2018, 6:59 pm
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Louwra
post 10th Jan 2018, 9:09 am
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hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

Time, patience, lots of tears. Give yourself time, its normal what we all go through when losing one of our own. If you want to cry or feel the need, do it! Dont bottle up, come here to DP to 'talk'

I found if I could remember all the lovely memories, and not the ones from the end,it made it a little easier, and its a deliberate thing: When you feel a sad or with a painful memory, push it away by thinking and remembering the good ones

The pain will stay with you forever, but it gets easier. I lost my soulmate in 2013, and at times I cannot talk about her without choking up, and then there are times when I can talk about her and the daft things she used to do wub.gif It hurts like hell, here on DP we know exactly what you go through, we have all done the same, take comfort in the knowledge we are here for you!

Please do not blame yourself, you gave her a loving home and a wonderful life, its shows in your posts! Yes, we all do the ''what if'' or ''if only'' It only makes you feel even more rotten, so please do not beat yourself up over this. You did the right thing, and by the sound of it at the right time as well!

Sending love and hugs xxxx
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Fox
post 10th Jan 2018, 9:34 pm
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Thank you, I feel like a huge part of me is missing. Every day I walk up and feel like I've a heavy foot on my chest. It sounds stupid but I wonder when I'll laugh again. We will get another rescue in the next few months - our wee family doesn't feel right with the three of us. X
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Pixiedog
post 11th Jan 2018, 9:23 am
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I have waited a while to respond as your post was too close for comfort, and brought so much pain flooding back. To be honest the pain never goes away, you just learn to live with it, there will come a day when your dog is not constantly in your thoughts and eventually there will come a day when the hurt is less. When I lost one of my dogs in an accident I kept thinking will I have to live with this grief for the rest of my life? That was in 2005 and I still feel the hurt for him and also for the others that I have lost since then, but I accept that this is a consequence of having my dogs in my life. We are a dwindling bunch on this forum, but we all know exactly how you are feeling xxx
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magna
post 12th Jan 2018, 8:41 pm
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We lost Bob (lab cross) in September and then my mother 8 days later. Both died from liver disease without any alcohol involved.

I am desperate to get another dog, but my problem is that I want a Bob copy. This is nonsense as Bob was my 8th dog to pass as I've had many rescue dogs since 2003 (many were old and came after my first rescue in 1993).

Bob, for some reason, has affected me more than any other dog. I was really upset about Jamie (my first rescue) and Fletcher (who died out of the blue with a spinal bleed), but Bob is really something else.

In the past, I've got another rescue dog within a month, but not this time.

Fox, I hope you find another forever friend very soon. Grief is different for different dogs, as I've found.

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doggroomer
post 12th Jan 2018, 9:33 pm
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Magna, I know that feeling. My first rescue was Bertie, a huge yellow lab, and he was perfect wub.gif After he went to the bridge, I wanted another Bertie. I couldn't have another yellow lab, as I knew I'd end up comparing them and they couldn't be the same sad.gif I lost him in 1998, but there's hardly a day goes past when I don't think about him.

Like you, most of the dogs I've had since then have been middle aged or older, and I've lost 6 more since sad.gif I think of them all often, but Bertie comes to my mind most often, though they're happy memories these days wub.gif

Chris

This post has been edited by doggroomer: 12th Jan 2018, 9:36 pm
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Nina K
post 13th Jan 2018, 11:22 pm
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Sending huge hugs to everyone who has loved and lost. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

I lost Coco (the dog in my avatar) last week, then Titch, one of my horses, this week. Coco was 17 and her health was failing, so we made that last painful decision for her. However, Titch's death was a horrific accident and totally unexpected. I hadn't started picking myself up from Coco's death when the horror that was Titch's death knocked me flat to the ground.

At the moment I am functioning. I can't really say I am living. I put on a face and carry on for my other horse and for my other two dogs. It really helps that I HAVE to carry on for them. Friends of ours lost their only dog a few days ago (heart attack) and the lady hasn't got dressed or had a wash since. She is wandering around like a zombie, just totally unable to function properly. Everything about her screams pain. It is just so sad to see.

I too can identify with everything people have mentioned. The inability to sleep. The waves of sadness that make you weep. The recriminations - so many what ifs. No matter how many times your friends tell you there was nothing you could have done, you still berate yourself. The sadness over things you feel you should have done. The physical pain of missing them.

I firmly believe that the pain we feel after they leave us is an indication of the love we felt for them while they were alive. In the case of a planned departure, we take on the pain to free them from theirs. I keep telling Coco that the years she was with us made every tear worthwhile. I would not have missed my time with her for the world, regardless of how many tears I am shedding now.

Fox, I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how long we share with them, it is NEVER long enough. hug.gif
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doggroomer
post 14th Jan 2018, 9:19 am
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Nina, I'm so sorry you lost Coco too hug.gif hug.gif What an awful time you;;re going through. Run free little one wub.gif

Chris
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rmykapa
post 14th Jan 2018, 10:09 am
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Fox and Nina K so sorry for your losses, so so hard to bear, so many wiser words than I can provide already on here. Thinking of you both. hug.gif hug.gif
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Nina K
post 14th Jan 2018, 2:22 pm
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QUOTE(doggroomer @ 14th Jan 2018, 9:19 am) *

Nina, I'm so sorry you lost Coco too hug.gif hug.gif What an awful time you;;re going through. Run free little one wub.gif

Chris



Thanks Chriis.

And sorry Fox for hijacking your thread somewhat. flowers.gif

I have lost 3 dogs and 3 horses in the space of 5 years and feel battered. All the dogs were pts due to old age but still doesn't make it any easier. One horse was lost to old age/health problems and went peacefully in his stable, with me holding himm, but the other two were sudden and not the way I would have wanted them to go. While the logical side of my brain tells me I could not have reasonably foreseen what happened, the emotional side of my brain keeps saying, if I had done x, y or z differently, they may still be alive. Sometimes I think I can't cry any more tears, yet they keep coming. I have always picked myself up and welcomed new animals into the family after a period of mourning but I am reaching a point where I am honestly thinking I can't keep doing this.

Sorry for moaning. Just needed to offload. sad.gif

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bix
post 14th Jan 2018, 3:50 pm
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Please don't apologise for 'moaning'. Most people here know what you're experiencing. Non doggy people may think they can understand and are very sympathetic but often underestimate just how dreadful the loss of an animal is. The pain you feel is sadly the price you pay for love.
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doggroomer
post 14th Jan 2018, 4:34 pm
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QUOTE(Nina K @ 14th Jan 2018, 2:22 pm) *

Thanks Chriis.

And sorry Fox for hijacking your thread somewhat. flowers.gif

I have lost 3 dogs and 3 horses in the space of 5 years and feel battered. All the dogs were pts due to old age but still doesn't make it any easier. One horse was lost to old age/health problems and went peacefully in his stable, with me holding himm, but the other two were sudden and not the way I would have wanted them to go. While the logical side of my brain tells me I could not have reasonably foreseen what happened, the emotional side of my brain keeps saying, if I had done x, y or z differently, they may still be alive. Sometimes I think I can't cry any more tears, yet they keep coming. I have always picked myself up and welcomed new animals into the family after a period of mourning but I am reaching a point where I am honestly thinking I can't keep doing this.

Sorry for moaning. Just needed to offload. sad.gif


I agree Nina, there's no need to apologise. I'm sure you've no need to feel that any of it was your fault hug.gif

I lost three dogs in one year 2013/14, and three cats between Dec 15 and June 16, so know exactly where you're coming from sad.gif I initially said no more, but then an elderly dog worked her way in, and an oldie cat followed a year ago. I'd had a couple of periods before of losing three in a short space of time, but that's what comes with adopting oldies. Hard as it is to overcome, I'll never regret giving an old furry the chance of a happy year or two to enjoy what life is left.

Life 'expectancy' is just that, and no-one can predict what it really is. You gave them all the attention and love you could, even if it wasn't the 'extra' years you would have preferred flowers.gif

Chris

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Fox
post 15th Jan 2018, 8:29 pm
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Nina, strangely the dog I lost was a Coco too. I've not went one day without crying but at least I'm functioning. People keep saying I need to stick some make up on and go for dinner out but I couldn't think of anything worse. In some ways I wonder if another dog might help - not as a replacement but as a distraction.
I thank God that mine was not taken in an accident or such like so I'm truly sorry for the lose of your pony too. There is few things as distressing as seeing a horse after at the end so my heart goes out to you. It's absolutely haunting. I'm so sorry you've had 2 losses in such a short space of time - sending you love.
People say that it's good she didn't suffer, or I gave her the life nobody else wanted to and that she will stay in my memories which I believe but the real pain is simply just she's not here anymore.
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Tigerthedog
post 15th Jan 2018, 11:03 pm
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There's grief for the one you lose. Given time that changes to happy memories, particularly if they had a good life with you. I've had a lot more difficulty dealing with the loss of the dog that died too young, and spent far too much of his life an invalid that I feel was just.

Then there is the dog shaped hole in your life. That can be filled and should, because there is a dog somewhere languishing in rescue, or occupying a space that could be filled by a poundie, and it needs you as much as you need it.

I know that if my only dog were to die I would spend the next three months under a duvet. So I have two, although my cunning succession plan is rather shot by ending up with two the same age! One is a lurcher, and one a chi cross, so hopefully they won't go together!
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