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> How Do You Deal With Grief?
Ianr
post 16th Jan 2018, 1:17 pm
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QUOTE(Nina K @ 14th Jan 2018, 12:22 am) *

Sending huge hugs to everyone who has loved and lost. hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

I lost Coco (the dog in my avatar) last week, then Titch, one of my horses, this week. Coco was 17 and her health was failing, so we made that last painful decision for her. However, Titch's death was a horrific accident and totally unexpected. I hadn't started picking myself up from Coco's death when the horror that was Titch's death knocked me flat to the ground.

At the moment I am functioning. I can't really say I am living. I put on a face and carry on for my other horse and for my other two dogs. It really helps that I HAVE to carry on for them. Friends of ours lost their only dog a few days ago (heart attack) and the lady hasn't got dressed or had a wash since. She is wandering around like a zombie, just totally unable to function properly. Everything about her screams pain. It is just so sad to see.

I too can identify with everything people have mentioned. The inability to sleep. The waves of sadness that make you weep. The recriminations - so many what ifs. No matter how many times your friends tell you there was nothing you could have done, you still berate yourself. The sadness over things you feel you should have done. The physical pain of missing them.

I firmly believe that the pain we feel after they leave us is an indication of the love we felt for them while they were alive. In the case of a planned departure, we take on the pain to free them from theirs. I keep telling Coco that the years she was with us made every tear worthwhile. I would not have missed my time with her for the world, regardless of how many tears I am shedding now.

Fox, I am so sorry for your loss. No matter how long we share with them, it is NEVER long enough. hug.gif


sad.gif I'm sorry to read of your sudden and sad losses.



QUOTE(Fox @ 15th Jan 2018, 9:29 pm) *

Nina, strangely the dog I lost was a Coco too. I've not went one day without crying but at least I'm functioning. People keep saying I need to stick some make up on and go for dinner out but I couldn't think of anything worse. In some ways I wonder if another dog might help - not as a replacement but as a distraction.
I thank God that mine was not taken in an accident or such like so I'm truly sorry for the lose of your pony too. There is few things as distressing as seeing a horse after at the end so my heart goes out to you. It's absolutely haunting. I'm so sorry you've had 2 losses in such a short space of time - sending you love.
People say that it's good she didn't suffer, or I gave her the life nobody else wanted to and that she will stay in my memories which I believe but the real pain is simply just she's not here anymore.



It matters not what others do or think you ought to do, we each go through our own grief and means of dealing with it and find our own time or "dog in need" - for me it's been as little as a week or several months before I've taken in another. Each came when circumstances meant it felt right for me to do so but none were ever a replacement - I find each one takes their own little place in your heart and memories as the years go by. Only time will help with the pain of her loss but maybe, just maybe there is another out there who now needs you to give them the life that nobody else wants to? Maybe he / she is just a pup, plenty of offers usually, but perhaps you need time to grieve before facing the loss of another too soon?

Either way you say that YOU wonder if another dog might help, so I guess I'm wondering what is stopping you finding out? Would you like to take a trip down to the local dogs home and see how you feel then / whether some specific dog may pull at those heart strings as the one for you?
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ebd
post 18th Jan 2018, 5:30 pm
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Fox, I've only just now seen this post; I am so very sorry to hear about your little one. hug.gif

How are you coping, how are you feeling now?



And Nina, I am so sorry to hear about Coco and Titch, what a shock for you. hug.gif So much sadness at once. hug.gif




My hope for you both is that the good memories will help to keep you grounded as you wrestle with your grief.


Sending lots of empathetic cyber hug.gif to you both. I am so very, very sorry.
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Fox
post 19th Jan 2018, 8:39 pm
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Thank you EBD. It's been awful sad, I managed a couple of days without crying then my former flatmate called (she had lived with us at one point) and that had set me off again! I know it will get a little bit easier.

I am thinking of possibly getting another dog - not to replace her as that is impossible - but more because I feel like there's a huge hole and taking on a rescue will at least be a big distraction. Our existing dog is 12 but is still lively enough that I think she could cope with a new dog, she is completely back to normal. In one way it feels wrong to think about it and in others it feels wrong to not give a home to some wee soul who is in the position Coco was all those years ago. x

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Pam13
post 19th Jan 2018, 11:02 pm
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Its just over 2 months since I lost Holly and I do find myself looking at other dogs but Mac is almost 15 and pretty wobbly so I donít think would cope well with a lively dog, doesnít mean the ache for another isnít there.

Most days now Iím ok but it hits you every so often. For example tonight I can in from work and was getting something from the kitchen and thought that something was missing! A dog hadnít said hello. Then I realised why and the tears came a little but you get there slowly and surely but it takes a long time.

Hugs xx.
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Fox
post 20th Jan 2018, 6:44 pm
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QUOTE(Pam13 @ 19th Jan 2018, 11:02 pm) *

Its just over 2 months since I lost Holly and I do find myself looking at other dogs but Mac is almost 15 and pretty wobbly so I donít think would cope well with a lively dog, doesnít mean the ache for another isnít there.

Most days now Iím ok but it hits you every so often. For example tonight I can in from work and was getting something from the kitchen and thought that something was missing! A dog hadnít said hello. Then I realised why and the tears came a little but you get there slowly and surely but it takes a long time.

Hugs xx.


The wee reminders are so difficult. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I was saying to my husband that life is less stressful without a 'difficult' dog but by no means does that equal better. I'd re-live every crazy stressful situation to have her again. The loss of her has been far more than I could have imagined. Thinking of all of you who have gone or are going through this. Today I saw a lady on the beach I'd spoken to before because she too had an old JRT and I literally charged passed her. I just couldn't face having the conversation.. X
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Nina K
post 20th Jan 2018, 7:12 pm
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QUOTE(Fox @ 20th Jan 2018, 6:44 pm) *

The wee reminders are so difficult. She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. I was saying to my husband that life is less stressful without a 'difficult' dog but by no means does that equal better. I'd re-live every crazy stressful situation to have her again. The loss of her has been far more than I could have imagined. Thinking of all of you who have gone or are going through this. Today I saw a lady on the beach I'd spoken to before because she too had an old JRT and I literally charged passed her. I just couldn't face having the conversation.. X

hug.gif I know what you mean. Every time I have to tell someone about losing my dog or my horse, I have to relive it all again and can't yet do it without lots of tears. sad.gif

Like you, our life is less stressful without Coco, who needed carrying out into the garden because she could no longer manage the steps, and needed to be let out regularly. I no longer have to clean up after her in the mornings when I get up. However, I would clean till my fingers were raw if it meant having another day with her. crying.gif
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ebd
post 21st Jan 2018, 11:03 pm
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QUOTE(Fox @ 19th Jan 2018, 8:39 pm) *


I am thinking of possibly getting another dog - not to replace her as that is impossible - but more because I feel like there's a huge hole and taking on a rescue will at least be a big distraction. Our existing dog is 12 but is still lively enough that I think she could cope with a new dog, she is completely back to normal. In one way it feels wrong to think about it and in others it feels wrong to not give a home to some wee soul who is in the position Coco was all those years ago. x



I've always thought that the greatest tribute we can pay to the beloved dogs we have lost is to want to share that love again, to open our hearts and homes to another soul in need.

Sending more hug.gif
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Dalsmum
post 22nd Jan 2018, 10:52 am
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You need to be ready for another dog. Nobody can say when is right. Only you will know when.

I lost my heart dog suddenly and wept buckets over that dog. It was 4 years before my memories didn't bring tears.

My other dog was 'big brother' to her. Always went out first in case there was a bogey man there. Always led the way on walks. He lost his purpose in life. he had no one to look after.

So I rescued Murphy, a 12 week old pup, after 6 months.

Hpvis perked up immediately.

But, I realised shortly afterwards it was too soon. Much as I loved Murphy I didn't bond with him as I did with my other dogs. It was nothing to do with him. I just was not ready to give my all to another dog.


When Hovis died we enquired about Cleo 3 months later. It was the right time. I knew Hovis's time was limited and was prepared when he died and was ready to open my heart to another.


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Hannah W
post 22nd Jan 2018, 1:12 pm
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similar to us. when Womble died, Ellie arrived 6 weeks later because we just couldn't settle without a dog in our lives. We love Ells to bits with her daft antics and labrador ways (more food mummy rolleyes.gif ).. but she isn't Womble. We'd wait longer next time.
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Fox
post 26th Jan 2018, 9:06 pm
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Thank you all. I'm still having bouts of tears - my husband said I've cried more in the last few weeks than in the 7 years we've been together. We agreed to take a wee dog from a kill shelter that arrives in March. Then we agreed to take his wee pen mate as he had been there 6 months. They will no doubt turn our lives upside down for a while but my precious wee girl's legacy is giving a warm house and a loving family to two wee souls that might never have got out there alive. They will never take her place but I'm sure they will win a piece of our hearts.

Thank you all for your kind word and support - it means more than you could imagine. No doubt I'll be posting all sorts of SOS in the training thread in a few months. Thanks again. X
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kimw
post 26th Jan 2018, 9:32 pm
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I suspect that Coco would be delighted with you rescuing two dogs in desperate need of a safe and loving home... and your other dog I am sure will help you get the new little ones settle smile.gif Look forward to hearing of all the adventures smile.gif
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ebd
post 27th Jan 2018, 8:34 am
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QUOTE(Fox @ 26th Jan 2018, 10:06 pm) *

They will never take her place but I'm sure they will win a piece of our hearts.



If there is anything I have learned over several decades and many dogs, it is that the heart has infinite capacity to expand.

I'm very happy for you Fox, and wish you and these two lucky little souls all the very best.
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Nina K
post 27th Jan 2018, 8:11 pm
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wub.gif hug.gif
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moorx
post 27th Jan 2018, 8:20 pm
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QUOTE(ebd @ 27th Jan 2018, 8:34 am) *

I'm very happy for you Fox, and wish you and these two lucky little souls all the very best.


Me too. I'm so pleased for you. Please keep us updated smile.gif
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